*weakly smiles and hands you a damp towel*. So, uh, yeah. Let's not ever talk about that again. But you can read the 17 entries in the "Bad Sex Challenge" here or using the "bad sex" tag.

New challenge coming right up!

Too Much Information
Author: Rhiannon
Challenge: Bad Sex
Characters: the entire expedition
Pairings: Rodney/Elizabeth; Katie Brown/Chuck the Tech; John/Carson
Summary: Maybe “We Survived The Wraith Again” parties weren’t such a good idea, after all
Word Count: 870
Rating: R
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 2/3. Spoilers only if you consider the Wraith in general to be spoilers
Disclaimer: If I owned SGA, the series would be very different
Author's Notes: My porn Muse isn’t talking to me right now, so this is what happens – bad sex. Thanks to lvs2read for being my guinea pig, er, beta reading this.


( Drinking and bad sex ahead )

Drabblet: Potatoes and Carrots and Parnsips, Oh My (Bad Sex Challenge)
Author: sheafrotherdon
Rating: R
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
Summary: Rodney has awarded various parts of his anatomy with exceedingly curious names
A/N: I cannot believe I am posting this. It's SO SO siriaeve's fault. ~350 words

( . . . almost there, oh god, find the potato . . . )

Title: Do I Know You From a Frat Mixer, or Another Galaxy?
Authors: tzi & zaganthi
Pairing: John/Rodney
Warnings: Underage drinking, underage sex. SGA Minus nineteen years or so with some age adjustment.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: No one there knew he was fourteen, which was the best part. Someone had guessed he was eighteen, and he'd let them think that he was that old, old enough to have probably been drinking the booze in his parents' cupboards.
Spoilers: If you don't know Rodney's a genius by now, where have you been?
Length: 4,739 words. -ish

( Do I Know You From a Frat Mixer, or Another Galaxy? )

Title: Working Out the Kinks
Author: cincodemaygirl
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R
Summary: The first time they tried having sex, it was so stupendously bad that they didn't even think about attempting it again for months.
Word count: ~1200
Notes: Many thanks to my clan of betas, jenna_thorn, vegetariansushi, and siegeofangels, as well as a few more folks who offered title suggestions and encouragement.

( Working Out the Kinks )

title: Things You Just Don't Want to Hear at Breakfast
author: seekergeek
rating: PG-13 ish
characters/pairings: Cadman/Beckett, Katie Brown, Chuck the Technician
genre: humor
warnings: Very slight spoiler for 'The Return' and a reference to 'Duet'. Carson fans, look away. It ain't pretty.
disclaimer: SGA owned by someone who isn't me. No profit made here.
beta'd by: Me, Myself and I. Please inform me if any of these three have failed anywhere.

summary: "Worst. Sex. Ever." Laura growled as she stabbed a poor, defenseless sausage repeatedly with her fork.

Title: Good Advice
Author: yolsaffbridge & laura_redcloud
Pairing: Ronon/Elizabeth(???!!!!), McKay/Sheppard implied
Rating: Um, pretty much PG.
Wordcount: 1360
Summary: "He asked me if I was dying," Elizabeth whispered hoarsely.
Notes: We are very, very, very sorry to introduce ourselves to the fandom in this way.

( Good Advice )

Title: Anthology of Pros
Author: Cad27
Summary: For once, someone agrees with Rodney: John is a big ol' space slut. As far as the nuns are concerned anyway.
Rating: Couldn't really be higher than a PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made out of this.
Notes: So I read the challenge and went "Sex bad! No cookie!" and then thought of nuns and was kind of horrified that this would be the way I introduce myself to this fandom (By the way, hi!). Currently unbetad apart from the doublel27 casting a quick hand-holding eye over it. Written for the bad sex challenge obviously, and thanks to whom I learnt that apparently an anthology is the collective noun for prostitutes.

( Anthology )

Title: Just The Way It Goes (a.k.a. Five Sexual Experiences Not Often Recalled)
Author: Tielan
Summary: There's little things you hide, and little things you show... Good sex and bad sex. Sometimes it's a thin line.
Pairings: Ronon/other, John/other, Teyla/other, Elizabeth/other, Rodney/other
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made out of this.
Notes: For the sga_flashfic 'Bad Sex' challenge in the manner of the "Five Things..." meme. I'm slightly nervous about this one since I've never written anything like it before and the topic is slightly out of my usual range. With grateful thanks to ladyjax and blacksquirrel for the betas.

ETA: Thanks to shusu for the advice on ordering the stories.

( John: Looking In The Mirror )

( Rodney: Aural Sex )

( Elizabeth: Handling Like A Man )

( Teyla: Scent Of Trine )

( Ronon: Tastes Of Disappointment )