maryavatar ([info]maryavatar) wrote in [info]sga_flashfic,
2005-03-20 17:49:00
  • Previous
  • Memorize
  • Share
  • Next
  • Mood: silly

Festival! By Moonloon (Culture clash challenge)

Another last-minute flashfic. I had a much much worse idea, but fortunately it died. Believe me, you're all very glad I didn't finish it.

Festival!

"Pigs!" Elizabeth yelled, almost deafening John, who'd been standing a little too close. "Why are there pigs in the gateroom?" A particularly frisky porker squealed, leaped out of Halling's arms, and ran up the stairs towards them.

"I am so sorry, Dr Weir," Halling said, as he tackled the escapee. "These pigs are for the planting festival."

John looked at the pig, which seemed to be grinning at him. "What do pigs have to do with planting?"

"Ah, well..." Halling grinned. "Not much, but after we've finished the planting, we eat the pigs."

Elizabeth paled, and John decided to have fish for lunch.

~

John watched the last of the pigs being herded out of the Puddlejumper. "So, Halling, what's this planting festival like?"

Halling started brushing pig dung out of the Puddlejumper. "It is a very spiritual time for my people. All the able-bodied men retreat to the forest for three nights, where we give thanks to the Ancestors for surviving another winter, and ask for a bountiful harvest. We make offerings of mead and meat and sing songs around pits of fire."

Teyla appeared at John's elbow. "Or, translated into the truth, it's an excuse for the men to spend a few days in the forest, getting drunk and eating barbecue."

Halling shrugged and smiled at John. "Perhaps you would like to join us this year? We have more than enough mead to go around, and I got a very good deal on pigs because I bought the whole herd."

"I don't know..." Although getting drunk and eating barbecue did sound good.

"Bring Dr McKay along. He looks like he'd enjoy a few days with good food, drink and no responsibilities."

"Hmmm, he probably would, wouldn't he?"

~

"You know, I don't recall you mentioning that we were going to have to be naked for this little excursion," Rodney said, as he stripped to disturbingly floral boxer shorts, and took another mouthful of mead, grimacing at the sickly sweet flavour.

"I didn't know, okay? Sorry. All Halling and Teyla told me was booze and barbecue. The naked thing is as much of a shock to me as it is to you." John was trying very hard not to grin at way Rodney was blushing.

"It's all right for you," Rodney moaned, "You look good naked."

"There you are!" Halling bounced into view, completely comfortable with his nudity. "This is the unguent." He handed John and Rodney a jar each of greenish greasy-looking paste. "Spread it all over your flesh to protect against insect bites, and... well... you might need it for the wrestling later."

"Wow," John said. "I was feeling pretty good about myself until now. Did you see the size..."

"Yes!" Rodney glared at John. "I did, thank you." He sniffed the contents of the jar in his hand. "Goose grease, I think. With fragrant herbs."

John shucked his underwear. "Come on Rodney, they can't all be built like Holling. Grease up and lets go snag some barbecue."

~

"Oh God," John whimpered.

"I'd guess Halling and Teyla didn't tell you about this either?"

"Um... no." John didn't know where too look. His mind kept yelling , 'Oh my God, fifty naked Athosian men! In the forest! Having gay sex!' Although that wasn't entirely true: only about half of them were having gay sex, the other half were drinking and shouting encouragement from the sidelines. And occasionally making obscene gestures with pork parts.

Rodney stared in horror at the jar in his hand. "We're covered in... lube!"

John squinted at the writhing pile of greasy limbs and moans in front of him. "Wow, is that Dr Zelenka?"
Tags: author: maryavatar, challenge: culture clash

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch

    Your reply will be screened

     
    Help
  • 75 comments
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →

[info]randommagic

March 20 2005, 17:59:10 UTC 7 years ago

"We're covered in... lube!"

The noise I made when I read that is going to make the other people in my house wonder what the hell I'm up to in my room!

I loved it. :)

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:11:01 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you :)

I did some research into medieval lubrication a couple of years ago. Goose grease was the least ewwww.

[info]randommagic

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]randommagic

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]randommagic

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]randommagic

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mz_bstone

March 20 2005, 18:19:48 UTC 7 years ago

*bwah*

B

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:11:29 UTC 7 years ago

OMG! Icon love :)

[info]shetiger

March 20 2005, 18:24:15 UTC 7 years ago

*snickers*

And then?

:)

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:14:20 UTC 7 years ago

Option 1: They shrugged and joined in.
Option 2: John passed out from shock, and Rodney ate half a roast pig.
Option 3: Zelenka caught crabs.

[info]shetiger

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]flatlanddan

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]thegrrrl2002

March 20 2005, 18:24:58 UTC 7 years ago

::giggles::

Oh, thank you, thank you. This really made my day.

I always suspected those Athosians knew how to party.

::loves you::

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:15:27 UTC 7 years ago

Re: ::giggles::

Thank you :)

Yep, agarian societies and their fertility rituals... always a good source of inspiration.

[info]astolat

March 20 2005, 18:31:05 UTC 7 years ago

Hey! You can't stop there! *glares*

(heee! gestures with pork parts!)

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:16:41 UTC 7 years ago

Just picture a wriggling pile of hairy, greasy men. With pig parts.

[info]mmmchelle

March 20 2005, 18:31:43 UTC 7 years ago

/laughter/

That's all I've got, just giggles.

But giggling is good.

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:18:30 UTC 7 years ago

Yay! :)

[info]flatlanddan

March 20 2005, 19:12:44 UTC 7 years ago

*snicker*

And here you wanted us to talk you out of it!!

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:19:02 UTC 7 years ago

I still think it's a bloody stupid idea, but it really wanted to be written.

[info]jarsy

March 20 2005, 19:47:14 UTC 7 years ago

Hee! I don't know where you got that crack, but I want some.

And I don't know whether to be grossed out or turned on, but I'm definitely amused.

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:48:46 UTC 7 years ago

Bwah! Thank you :)

And both is fine. I have to admit, the mental images I was getting while writing weren't all erotic.

[info]coreopsis

March 20 2005, 19:54:19 UTC 7 years ago

"Wow, is that Dr Zelenka?"
hee! I desperately hope so. The mental image I have now would only be improved. *g*


Also, it's Halling. :-)

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 19:55:51 UTC 7 years ago

Damn, I'm listening with the wrong accent again. Thanks for the info, I'll go edit ;)

And yeah, I think it's Zelenka.

[info]ria_kukalaka

March 20 2005, 20:20:35 UTC 7 years ago

hmmm i'm still kinda new to the slash fics.

But this one has definetly left me wanting to read more. :D

Zelenka! :D

BTW: LOVE the 'boring briefings' icon.

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 20:22:10 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you :)

[info]moonlettuce

March 20 2005, 20:21:16 UTC 7 years ago

*snort*

Brilliant :-D

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 20:22:56 UTC 7 years ago

Thanks. I can't seem to write anything serious at the moment.

[info]_bettina_

March 20 2005, 20:55:25 UTC 7 years ago

*lol*

*g*

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 20:56:14 UTC 7 years ago

:)

[info]ship_recs

March 20 2005, 21:25:23 UTC 7 years ago

haha, that was strange. But very funny.

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 21:26:29 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you, I think ;)

[info]archae_ology

March 20 2005, 23:43:09 UTC 7 years ago

OMG! That....was priceless! Way to go!

[info]maryavatar

March 20 2005, 23:44:33 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you :)

[info]thecomfychair

March 21 2005, 00:59:13 UTC 7 years ago

"We're covered in... lube!"
tea, meet keyboard.
that was so great.

[info]maryavatar

March 21 2005, 01:01:17 UTC 7 years ago

Yes! I caused a keyboard dousing! My day is complete ;)

*ego swells*

[info]verstehen

March 21 2005, 04:05:01 UTC 7 years ago

Oh, hee!

Though, now I'm really wondering what the Athosian women do.

[info]maryavatar

March 21 2005, 04:07:12 UTC 7 years ago

Probably something similar, only they'd make the obscene gestures with fruit.

[info]verstehen

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]verstehen

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]burntcopper

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]bluestarmuse

March 21 2005, 05:33:59 UTC 7 years ago

BWAHAHAHAHA!

*takes a deep breath*

you will be the death of me.....but what a way to go!

Rodney will never be able to look at Zelenka in the eyes ever again. Ever. *grins madly*

[info]maryavatar

March 21 2005, 09:19:15 UTC 7 years ago

Heh, or they end up in the same happy pile...

[info]krabbypatty

March 21 2005, 06:12:32 UTC 7 years ago

Ha! Oh, that was fun. Loved it. :)

[info]maryavatar

March 21 2005, 09:19:36 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you :)

[info]wickedwords

March 23 2005, 05:48:04 UTC 7 years ago

Man this was fun. Thanks!

[info]maryavatar

March 23 2005, 05:48:40 UTC 7 years ago

Thank you :)

[info]kuwdora

March 25 2005, 02:52:35 UTC 7 years ago


John squinted at the writhing pile of greasy limbs and moans in front of him. "Wow, is that Dr Zelenka?"

*SQUEAKS with laughter!*

I'd do the same as john, thinkin' that BBQ and booze sounded like a nice change, lol and then probably run away screaming from the athosian orgy.

and squealing pigs in the gateroom? pricelss.

[info]maryavatar

March 25 2005, 02:55:48 UTC 7 years ago

The pigs are all that's left of a plot bunny involving a herd of cows who all seriously freak out after popping through the Stargate, and go on a city-wide rampage.

[info]kuwdora

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kuwdora

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]maryavatar

7 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]burntcopper

April 9 2005, 00:07:06 UTC 7 years ago

:falls over laughing:

[info]maryavatar

April 9 2005, 00:34:47 UTC 7 years ago

Yay!

[info]nakedtoes

April 24 2005, 06:45:40 UTC 7 years ago

*laughes* Ya know, I'd just been wondering how they never ran out of lube on the show (don't ask) and someone directed me here. Brilliant!

[info]maryavatar

April 24 2005, 09:08:47 UTC 7 years ago

LOL! I did some research on medieval lubrication last year.

[info]scap3goat

June 14 2005, 14:24:01 UTC 6 years ago

OMG! ^^
I must have a really stupid expression on my face! ^^ I really like it!

[info]maryavatar

June 14 2005, 17:45:42 UTC 6 years ago

Hee! Thanks for the feedback :)

[info]machina_crux

June 21 2005, 00:01:53 UTC 6 years ago

hee!

Wow, this is the first fanfic I've read in a year that made me giggle. Out loud.

Way to go!

John squinted at the writhing pile of greasy limbs and moans in front of him. "Wow, is that Dr Zelenka?"

[info]maryavatar

June 21 2005, 00:07:02 UTC 6 years ago

Re: hee!

That's so cool, thank you :)

[info]3jane

June 28 2005, 16:51:43 UTC 6 years ago

My monitor!

My nose!

[info]maryavatar

June 28 2005, 16:52:59 UTC 6 years ago

*snerk*

Sorry! ;)
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
  • 1
  • 2
Next
Ctrl →Alt →
Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Facebook Twitter More login options
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…